


Outside

by Miranthia



Series: 30 Day Prompt Challenge [23]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon, Character Death, F/F, Tempauthrien
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-19
Updated: 2017-12-19
Packaged: 2019-02-17 02:17:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,551
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13067067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miranthia/pseuds/Miranthia
Summary: "Every moment happens twice: inside and outside, and they are two different histories." --Zadie Smith





	Outside

There was no staying in Denerim after that.  Not for a while, at least.  As far as Temperance was concerned, both Eamon and Anora could stuff it.  The Landsmeet, Loghain, Anora, this whole Blight….all of it really was the furthest thing on her mind.

She needed room to breathe, and Denerim was too crowded.

Everywhere, was too crowded.

She needed to be outside.

After they made their break from Fort Drakon and she had the audience with both the Queen and Eamon, Temperance left the city, neither wondering nor caring if her companions followed suit.  Of course all of them followed along, no questions asked, and she couldn’t help that small feeling of love that swelled in her chest, but it was only momentary.  Her mind was a swirling clusterfuck of emotions that she was struggling to keep at bay.  Being out and away from it all, for a short time, would enable her to get a handle on it and shove things to the very back of her brain again.

She just needed space.

 

They chose a spot to camp along the outskirts of the city, the area secluded and hidden from prying eyes.  It wasn’t quite dusk yet, the sinking sunlight sparkling off of the water in the distance.  Wynne stood with her arms crossed, her eyes fixated on the woman in front of her.  Temperance had pitched her tent away from the others, said woman sitting with her back propped up against a tree trunk.  Sparrow lay next to her and sighed heavily, Temperance slowly sharpening the edge of one of her daggers, completely oblivious to the older woman.

Or at least, that’s what Wynne thought.

“How long are you going to stand there and stare at me?” Temperance asked levelly, still occupied with her task.

“As long as it takes, child.”  Wynne studied her for a moment longer, Sparrow wagging his stubby little tail happily as he noticed their guest, but still remained at his mistresses’ side.  “I trust you have not forgotten the duty that has been placed on your shoulders?  You have been through the mill, my dear, I know that.  But-“

“Do you really think you needed to ask that?” Temperance asked quietly, stilling her actions as she finally looked up at the mage, fighting hard to keep her emotions at bay.  “Truly?”

Wynne kept her gaze steady, hating herself for interrogating the girl, but she felt it was something she _needed_ to do.  It was for Temperance’s own good; she was one of the few that knew what the girl was hiding from the rest, and Morrigan had told her about the confrontation with Arl Howe.  She needed to make sure that she was still with them.  “No.  Are you alright?”

Temperance looked away and resumed her sharpening, her brow furrowing slightly.  “I am fine.”

“You could have taken the second option, you know.” Wynne said slowly.

“There wasn’t another option.” Temperance said firmly, sparks flying as she ground the blade in her hand a little harder than was necessary.

“My dear but there was.”

“No Wynne, there wasn’t and you know it.”

“Is she really worth it, Temperance?  Is loving that woman worth all of the trouble it has caused you; that it’s caused all of us?  Think of Morrig-“

“Morrigan, is fine.”

“Is it worth it?”

Temperance stopped what she was doing and returned her gaze to Wynne, searching the Enchanter’s eyes with her own.  “Was it worth loving Greagoir? Would you have stopped loving him if you had known what was to happen?”

Wynne smiled faintly and sat down next to the younger woman, Sparrow cuddling up next to her.  She stroked the hounds side fondly and shook her head.  “I never stopped loving him.  Not even when they took Gabriel away from me.”

“Then you already know my answer.”

“Yes dear, I do.  Cauthrien is a good woman, and I believe she is good for you.  She has a tremendous heart, and her loyalty is admirable.  She struggles with it like the rest of us.  Though if she were given the option or forced to, I believe she would choose you over Loghain in a heartbeat.”

Temperance frowned and shook her head, completely lost.  “What was the point of questioning me if you already knew?”

Wynne reached over and took the younger woman’s hand in her own, squeezing it gently.  “To let you know that it is alright to feel.  You have been through more than you should have for your age, more than the bulk of us have ever gone through, and I know you strive so very hard to keep your feelings locked away.  No one will think any less of you love, it is alright.”

Temperance swallowed the lump in her throat and looked away, only nodding and squeezing back when she had her emotions under control.  Wynne was like an overbearing grandmother at times, and she always knew that the woman meant well even if she could be a tad bit annoying at times.  If she were to be completely honest with herself, more often than naught, she would say that she reminded her of her own mother.

Wynne smiled again and leaned towards her, kissing her forehead softly.  “You should go to her; the poor girl is beside herself.  She’s been sitting down by the water for two hours now.”

“Cauthrien?  She’s here?”

Wynne got to her feet, pulling the bewildered girl to hers at the same time.  “Go.  Sparrow can help me keep the others in line while you are away.”  At that the dog bounced to his feet and barked happily, licking Temp’s hand before giving the Enchanter his complete and undivided attention.  The three parted ways, Wynne’s laughter floating back to her as she strode towards the lake, the other two heading back into camp.

 

Cauthrien sat on the sandy bank, her back propped up against a rock and her arms wrapped around her knees.  Her eyes were fixated on no particular point across the water, her teeth worrying at her bottom lip and her brow creased in a deep frown.

She was more trouble than she was worth.

She’s the reason why Temperance got thrown in to Fort Drakon.

She’s the reason why Morrigan….

She’s the reason Cailan is no longer there.

She’s the reason a lot of things.

Of course, that’s what _she_ believed about herself, and none of it was true.  Deep down she was aware of that, but at this particular moment in time she wanted nothing more than to disappear so that her beloved would be safe.  So that she wouldn’t have to carry on with Loghain’s orders and jeopardize her relationship with Temperance, and their companions, at the same time.

But really, who had she been more loyal to this whole time?  Her general, or her lover?

 

The answer to that question sat down next to her, the woman’s back to the body of water and her eyes fixated on the brunette.  Cauthrien’s eyes flicked her way briefly before the frown deepened and she looked away, shame and guilt threatening to spill from her downcast eyes.

“I don’t deserve you.” she said quietly after a moment, determined not to look at the blonde.  After what she’d done to her, what was there to say?  “You should have just-“

“Stop it.” Temperance said firmly, her own brow creasing into a frown.  “Get that fucking thought out of your head, alright?  There was not another option, ever.  We both did what we had to do, end of story.”

“What good am I, Temperance?” Cauthrien asked angrily, her back rigid against the rock behind it.  “All I have managed to accomplish thus far, is cause you trouble and pain.  I have divided my loyalties between you and Loghain, and you and I both know that I should have left his company.  But I just…..I don’t….” she sighed in frustration and clenched her fists together.  She wasn’t even sure what she was trying to get at.

Temperance moved closer to the woman and closed her hand over one clenched fist.  “I love you, Cauthrien.  You have done nothing wrong, understand?”

She squeezed Temp’s hand before she shook her head and got to her feet, leaving the sandy bank of the lake to tall field grass instead.  She did not get far however, Temperance having gotten to her feet moments after to grab on to the retreating woman’s arm.

“How can you say that when you know I am the reason you wound up in Fort Drakon?  How can you after what happened to Morriga-“ she sucked in a sharp breath as Temperance turned her around, hands framing her face in an attempt to get her to return her gaze to the blue-green orbs boring into her.

“The reason I wound up in that place is because I refused to fight and kill the woman I love.  I went willingly, and you are not to blame.  Howe…” she stopped and swallowed the lump that had formed in her throat, tearing her eyes away from the woman in front of her.  “Morrigan is fine.”

“But you aren’t.” Cauthrien’s eyes softened and she gently touched the side of Temperance’s face, the blonde looking at her once more.  Hazel searched blue-green, Cauthrien once again catching that brief haunted look.  “What did you find in there?”

Before she could stop it a slight sob tore itself out of Temperance’s lungs, catching the brunette completely by surprise.  As quickly as it had arrived it left, Temp shaking out of it and regaining her composure.  “Noth-“

“Don’t lie to me.”

It was Temperance’s turn to worry at her bottom lip and frown, her hands slowly falling from Cauthrien’s face.  Try as she might, she was losing the internal battle that she was having with herself, and the brief hold she had on her emotions was slipping.  She was so very tired of hiding, of keeping things on the inside, but she had to.  She couldn’t afford it, not now with the final battle so close.  If she were to lose grasp of herself now, everything would have been for nothing.

She needed to clear her head, and get into control once more.

But she couldn’t; not with that defeated and heartbroken look in Cauthrien’s eyes.

 

The brunette sighed and nodded, once again turning to walk away from Temperance.  Her lover’s voice stopped her in her tracks and she stood there, turning slightly but not daring to face her.  She knew Temperance was hiding something from her, had been since the beginning, but she never asked.  Giving the blonde space was usually enough for the two to forget it, for a time, Cauthrien somehow always knowing that’s what she needed.  But after what had happened….

“You don’t go into Fort Drakon very often, do you?” Temperance asked quietly, her eyes fixated on Cauthrien’s back.

“Not if I can help it.” Cauthrien said with a shake of her head, back still to the blonde.  “I have never liked the looks nor the feel of the place.”

“You have no idea what goes on?  What they do?”

“No.”

Temperance swallowed heavily again, feeling her hands beginning to tremble.  Cauthrien’s question was swirling around in her mind, her resolve crumbling the longer she let it.

_What did you find in there?_

“Mallol, and….” she broke off and took in a deep breath, feeling as though she were about to throw up.  “and….and Rory.  They were…. They had been….” she broke off and shook her head.  “It doesn’t matter.”

“What?!  It does matter!” Cauthrien whirled around, a multitude of emotions and thoughts running through her entire body.  Above all she was confused, and horrified.  The look that washed over Temperance’s face made her heart break even more for her and she took a step towards her.  There were so many questions to ask and no right way to go about it. “Who did this?  How….”

“I was hoping you would be able to tell me that, but seeming as you don’t know the goings on in the Fort…” she clenched her teeth together, a muscle slowly ticking in her jaw.  “As for the who….  Does Loghain know what goes on in there?”

Cauthrien stopped on her advance and shook her head slightly, brow furrowed.  “I…..I honestly have no idea.  I haven’t exactly been paying much attention to what goes on around him, or kept an eye on his affairs aside from what he has me do.  Rendon’s men-“

“Rendon?  A friend of yours, was he?” Temperance asked coldly, feeling her nails dig into the palms of her hands.  Unwarranted anger surged through her and immediately she regretted it, the look in her lover’s eyes enough to douse any flame.

“ **Never**.” she said furiously, feeling as though she’d just been slapped in the face.  She had never liked the man; he was vile, arrogant, and she felt like he had wronged someone in some way.  She had no idea who, until now.  “If you truly think for one second….”

Once again she turned her back to Temperance and walked off, but she did not get far.  Her breath caught in her throat as a pair of arms wrapped around her waist, hands roaming under fabric as lips ghosted over the side of her neck.  Cauthrien was thankful that Temperance had settled them to the ground; her knees had given out the moment Temperance had touched her.  The grass around them was enough to hide them from view, only the tops of their heads visible amid the plumes.  Temperance’s soft apologies and her own ragged breathing filled her ears, her back arching as the blonde’s hands ran up her top and caressed her breasts slowly.

Their lips met over Cauthrien’s shoulder as Temperance started to unbutton the brunette’s top one-handed, the other hand disappearing under the hem of her pants, Cauthrien’s hand joining it as she groaned into the blonde’s mouth.  The need for air arose and Cauthrien tore her mouth away, the cooling air sweeping over her flushing body.  “T-Temperance…” she breathed, stilling their movements as reality came back to her.  “We are still outside.”

Temperance laughed quietly into the back of her lover’s neck, running her hands up Cauthrien’s quivering stomach to grasp her breasts again, the top partially unbuttoned; she had given up trying to do it one handed.  “Would you rather I stop, then?”

“Don’t you fucking dare.”

With that Temperance tugged on the top, several of the buttons popping off but neither one of them cared.  Within seconds Cauthrien’s naked form was arching off of the grass beneath her back, her fingers buried in the blonde hair between her spread thighs.  The sinking sun shone through the blades of swaying grass, throwing the two women into dancing patterns of light and shadow.

Cauthrien tugged Temperance up to her kiss-swollen lips, her entire body shuddering.  The brunette rolled them over, tugging at her lover’s clothes until they were nowhere to be seen, the blonde’s nails raking down her back as their bodies moved together urgently.

The rapidly fading light illuminated their glistening and scarred bodies, the darkening sky above twinkling merrily in places.  They crashed over the peak together, their cries hanging in the still air as they both remained wrapped around one another.  Their sweaty bodies heaved together as they fought to control their breathing, hands caressing heated skin softly.  Cauthrien brushed damp hair out of her lovers face, leaning down to kiss her softly.  By now there were thousands of stars twinkling up above and the moon was bright enough that she could make out the woman underneath her quite clearly.  She looked content, and at ease, but Cauthrien could still see the underlying trouble in her gaze, even if it was concealed rather well.

 

_Blood sprayed in the air just as she entered the room, her eyes landing on the fallen figure of Rendon Howe._

__

__

She could barely register the fact that he was speaking however, her eyes riveted to figure above him.  Temperance was glaring down at him, her entire body shaking horribly and covered in blood, the woman giving no indication that she was aware of the fact that she was not alone.

The blood was enough to concern Cauthrien, but that wasn’t all.

The look in her eyes was positively terrifying, and for one heart wrenching moment Cauthrien thought that the taint had taken over.

Morrigan stood next to her, looking as equally afraid, which did nothing to calm Cauthrien’s growing fears.  Temperance’s hands twitched and she rose her blades, advancing towards the prone figure of Howe.  The mage placed a restraining hand on her arm only to be fiercely shaken off.  “Warden… **Temperance** , please, you do not want to do this.  ‘Tis of no benefit to you, you have beaten him.  Trust me you do not want to do this to yourself.”

But Temperance did not hear her.

Morrigan looked desperately to Cauthrien, relief flashing through her eyes momentarily.  “Stop her or this will destroy what is left of her.”

Cauthrien placed herself between the woman and the still corpse of Howe, barely avoiding the slashing blades as she wrestled them from her grasp and tossed them aside.  Temperance fought viciously with Cauthrien, both yelling incoherently at one another, the Warden's mind still very far away.  She shoved the snarling blonde into a wall and clasped her wrists firmly in her hands, shouting above the menacing obscenities. 

“LADY COUSLAND, SNAP OUT OF IT!” she shook her slightly, releasing her wrists to hold her face firmly in her hands, forcing Temperance to face her.  “Just breathe, it’s all right.  Breathe baby, it’s over, I promise.”  The overwhelming panic began to die, her words finally starting to seep into the enraged woman as Temperance began to calm down.  Cauthrien brushed blood out of her face and kissed her softly, whispering calming words as she did so.

When Temperance’s arms wrapped around Cauthrien tightly, her face buried into the side of her neck, they all breathed in relief.  Her body still shook, but when she looked at the others they saw that their Warden was back, and no one dared to say a thing. She avoided looking into anyone’s eyes directly, even when her blades were presented back to her. 

After a moment she cleared her throat and looked at Cauthrien, squeezing her hand gently.  “You should get back to your troops before they’ve all swarmed here to investigate.  We only have so much time to get Anora and get out of here.”  She finally locked her eyes onto the searching hazel ones, shame radiating from her own.  As Cauthrien raised a hand to caress her cheek, she closed her eyes and turned her face into the palm, kissing it tenderly and whispering a softly apology.  That was the only indicator she had known what had gone on.

Cauthrien shook her head and pressed her lips to Temperance’s before giving her a quick, reassuring smile.  “I’ll see you on the outside, yeah?”

_“Of course.”_

 

“What did he do to you?” Cauthrien asked after a moment, her thumb stroking Temperance’s bottom lip softly.

Temperance sighed heavily and looked away from the brunette, another lump forming in her throat.  She quenched the tears that began to well up in her eyes, Wynne’s words from earlier ringing in her ears: _“You need to tell her Temperance, hiding it from her is not fair to either of you.  Out of all persons involved in this mess, **she** is the one that deserves to know above all others.  It would do the both of you good, dear, because she **knows** that there is something eating at you.  She’s too kind to ask.  Showing emotion will not make you appear weak, my child.  If anything it will only help you to grow stronger.”_

She rolled in the brunette’s embrace, wrapping an arm around her waist and pulling her closer.  Their lips met softly, Temperance deepening it while her hand ran up the naked curve of Cauthrien’s back.  When the need for air finally arose she broke away from swollen lips, kissing her softly on the forehead before kissing the end of her nose.  “Don’t ask me that, alright?  Just….not right now.  I need to be able to think clearly for this oncoming battle, and if…” she took Cauthrien in her arms and held her tightly, the soft grass cool on her back.  “I promise, once the Archdemon is slain I will tell you everything.”

Cauthrien nodded her head and placed a kiss to Temperance’s chest, satisfied with this answer.  “I will hold you to that, then.”  A breeze ruffled the grass around them, snaking across her now cool body and she shivered, remembering that they were still out in the open.  “Maybe we should head back into camp, it’s getting cold out here.”

Temperance smiled mischievously and rolled them over once again, her fingers tracing patterns along the sensitive skin of the brunette’s inner thigh.  “I can think of another way of warming you up.”

Cauthrien bit her bottom lip and grinned, feeling her core throb at the very thought.  “So I take it we will be sleeping outside tonight then?”

“Who said anything about sleeping?”


End file.
